Not 25 things you should know about penises.
Cosmopolitan magazine caught my eye with the title, “25 things you should know about his member.” It sounded good… but it wasn’t. I really couldn’t be bothered reading the whole article, but the stock photos were so stupid I just couldn’t help myself. The first to catch my eye was one was a guy with a chain and padlock around his waist. Next to this image was the factoid, that “most penises are the same size when erect, which is actually 6-7 inches.” So why is he unlocking his penis, Cosmo?
A plethora of scantily clad men some in cowboy hats or behind bars followed. In one, a girl dressed like a mechanic, alongside “when men ejaculate the message is sent from the spinal cord, not his brain.” This, according to Cosmo, explains his weird facial expressions at climax. Does it really Cosmo? It certainly doesn’t explain why the girl in the photo has grease on her face and a spanner in her hand. And way to make men feel self conscious about their sex face.
WebMD did a better job with their article “8 Things You Didn’t Know About Your Penis” because they wrote their article about actual penises, with real information, not trivia about the size of Whale’s penises; which are 2-3 meters, by the way. Or that, in relation to body size, the barnacle has the largest penis; yours would have to be 73 meters long to compete.
According to WebMD, you need to have erections for your penis to stay fit. Like any muscle, it needs exercise. But you don’t need to worry about getting enough erections. If you don’t have them during the day, your body will regulate itself and have them during the night.
Oh, and the stories are true, you can ‘break’ your penis. Basically this happens if it gets badly bent whilst erect. Go to a doctor if you are in any pain. This is a good rule for any time your genitals hurt. They aren’t meant to. So go ask a professional if there is anything out of the ordinary going on with your penis.
A penis that is naturally bent, however, is quite common. You shouldn’t feel embarrassed or awkward about it. But if it is causing you pain or interfering with your sex life, go see your doctor. If the bend isn’t bothering you, use it to your advantage; work out how to hit your partner’s g-spot with it. Some people still dispute that a female g-spot exists, but you can have plenty of fun just looking for it.
Circumcision changes the bacteria ecosystem of the penis, perhaps explaining why the foreskin-snipping procedure reduces the risk of HIV infection. If you aren’t circumcised and you want someone to put your penis in their mouth, make sure it is really clean. Even when you are circumcised, the smell of stale urine or sweaty balls can be really off putting. Clean it thoroughly and regularly. Take as long as you want.
The shape of your penis, as you may have noticed, is quite distinct from any other mammal. The shape of the head, in combination with the (usually!) straight shaft, has been theorised to be a sperm displacement tool from when we were, according to evolutionary psychologists, naturally more polygamous.
If you are experiencing delayed orgasms then do what women do, try a vibrator. Or just try one for fun anyway.
Love yourself, touch yourself, and be good to each other.
To see more about angry masturbation, fart fetish and a bendy penis – Ask Mistress M at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=47ERc_Y4DzE.
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