Not 25 things you should know about penises.

Not 25 things you should know about penises.
Cosmopolitan magazine caught my eye with the title, “25 things you should know about his member.” It sounded good… but it wasn’t. I really couldn’t be bothered reading the whole article, but the stock photos were so stupid I just couldn’t help myself. The first to catch my eye was one was a guy with a chain and padlock around his waist. Next to this image was the factoid, that “most penises are the same size when erect, which is actually 6-7 inches.” So why is he unlocking his penis, Cosmo?
A plethora of scantily clad men some in cowboy hats or behind bars followed. In one, a girl dressed like a mechanic, alongside “when men ejaculate the message is sent from the spinal cord, not his brain.” This, according to Cosmo, explains his weird facial expressions at climax. Does it really Cosmo? It certainly doesn’t explain why the girl in the photo has grease on her face and a spanner in her hand. And way to make men feel self conscious about their sex face.
WebMD did a better job with their article “8 Things You Didn’t Know About Your Penis” because they wrote their article about actual penises, with real information, not trivia about the size of Whale’s penises; which are 2-3 meters, by the way. Or that, in relation to body size, the barnacle has the largest penis; yours would have to be 73 meters long to compete.
According to WebMD, you need to have erections for your penis to stay fit. Like any muscle, it needs exercise. But you don’t need to worry about getting enough erections. If you don’t have them during the day, your body will regulate itself and have them during the night.
Oh, and the stories are true, you can ‘break’ your penis. Basically this happens if it gets badly bent whilst erect. Go to a doctor if you are in any pain. This is a good rule for any time your genitals hurt. They aren’t meant to. So go ask a professional if there is anything out of the ordinary going on with your penis.
A penis that is naturally bent, however, is quite common. You shouldn’t feel embarrassed or awkward about it. But if it is causing you pain or interfering with your sex life, go see your doctor. If the bend isn’t bothering you, use it to your advantage; work out how to hit your partner’s g-spot with it. Some people still dispute that a female g-spot exists, but you can have plenty of fun just looking for it.
Circumcision changes the bacteria ecosystem of the penis, perhaps explaining why the foreskin-snipping procedure reduces the risk of HIV infection. If you aren’t circumcised and you want someone to put your penis in their mouth, make sure it is really clean. Even when you are circumcised, the smell of stale urine or sweaty balls can be really off putting. Clean it thoroughly and regularly. Take as long as you want.
The shape of your penis, as you may have noticed, is quite distinct from any other mammal. The shape of the head, in combination with the (usually!) straight shaft, has been theorised to be a sperm displacement tool from when we were, according to evolutionary psychologists, naturally more polygamous.
If you are experiencing delayed orgasms then do what women do, try a vibrator. Or just try one for fun anyway.
Love yourself, touch yourself, and be good to each other.
Yours,
Emma
To see more about angry masturbation, fart fetish and a bendy penis – Ask Mistress M at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=47ERc_Y4DzE.

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Vaginas

I am writing about vaginas for Empire times and found this site and had to share it immediately.

http://vaginasoftheworld.tumblr.com/

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Why Safe Sex is Fun, Written for the Empire Times

I am here to tell you that safe sex is more fun. No, really, it is. It’s definitely more fun than a diseased dick or a putrid pussy.
I know, I know, dangerous sex is sexy and dangerous, but believe me, there is nothing sexy about waking up in a strange basement and having to work out if you are going to be able to escape through the window with just a paper clip and willpower. This is an unlikely scenario, but quite often drugs and alcohol are around when we are making decisions about sex, and sometimes they can impair your judgement. Other sex columns will tell you to never get drunk or high when there is a possibility that you are going to have sex: I am just going to ask that you do it in the company of people you trust, who care for you and who won’t let you go home with a serial killer with a fetish for disembowelling uni students… or let you have unprotected sex, which can also lead to messy outcomes. A hangover is bad enough – who needs herpes as well?*
Another way to stay safe is to make sure people know where you are. Don’t go off to a stranger’s house to have sex: take them back to yours, and then at least your flatmates will know where you are (especially if you are having a really good time). If you live with your parents, I would suggest being a bit quieter.
When it comes to awareness of diseases, my generation had it easy: the brand new fatal sexually transmitted disease AIDS had just exploded onto the scene. Our sexual awakening coincided with the “Death Going Bowling” campaign: as a result, we were terrified of both sex and bowling. I lost my virginity to my virgin boyfriend with the help of two condoms and a rubber sheet between us. Not that I am complaining – that fear has helped me avoid catching diseases. The latest studies show that condom use is on the decline and that gonorrhoea and syphilis are on the rise. Think that correlation doesn’t imply causation? Well, this time it does. By the way, be aware that STDs can be transmitted orally as well.
By the way, condoms can’t make sex 100% safe – they just make it safer. Accidents happen. Condoms can break. Be aware, use lubrication and care.
If you feel awkward or uncomfortable putting on condoms, you need to practise, practise, practise. The trick is to use the perforations to help you open the packet and then to work out which way it is going to roll so you can roll it down the penis.** If you have trouble maintaining an erection while putting on a condom, practise while alone at home with your favourite porn. It’s not often you get told your homework is to watch porn, is it!
If you are uncomfortable bringing up the subject of safe sex with someone, why are you comfortable fucking them? If you want to have great sex then feelings of embarrassment are best left at the door, so you should be able to ask for safe sex and lashings of condoms without any embarrassment.
If someone says “I always practise safe sex” and then asks you to engage in unsafe sex, think about it: they are either a liar or… no, that’s it, they’re just a liar.
Those men who claim they can’t wear condoms because they are too big or allergic to latex condoms and then don’t carry extra large condoms or latex free condoms are disease-ridden liars, don’t touch them. If you must, then make sure you carry a large range of types, styles, and sizes of condoms, the perfect host***.
Everyone, rimming, unless you use protection, it is not safe. Lots of people indulge in this practise after washing only. Washing will make the area fresher and cleaner, but it will not protect you from all the germs, which can cause a number of unpleasant symptoms, including diarrhoea. To be safe, use a dental dam, a condom cut up the side, or cling film. Some lube on the side against the bum is also recommended.
Putting strange objects inside you that haven’t been designed for the task is also unsafe. Fruits and vegetables pose the risk of scratching or irritation due to pesticides, and everyone has heard the terrible emergency ward stories where people have had to have embarrassing items removed from them. Don’t be a hilarious story.
As for the lesbians; it is recommended that you too practise safe sex. Yes, I know your chances of catching anything are much lower, but hey, if you use a dental dam they are even lower again, so it’s up to you.

So whether you’re straight, bisexual, gay, or lesbian, if you must indulge in unsafe sex, take the time to get private health insurance with all the extras. Here at Flinders we are lucky: we have testing for all the STDs, all bulk billed. It’s a bargain and you should take advantage of it.
Love yourself, touch yourself, and be good to each other.
Yours,
Emma
*Another thing you are keeping safe from when you practise safe sex is sperm. I am not going to mention how stupid the “pulling out” method is as a form of contraception.
** My alter ego, Ask Mistress M, has a tutorial on You Tube which I’m sure isn’t the only one (although I am betting it is the only one that uses a sonic screwdriver). Safe sex with Mistress M and AIDzee https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LWhwYJ1A1_Y
*** I like to rifle through the selection, pick out an extra-large, look at the guy’s penis, then put it back.

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Informed consent, for the Empire times

Informed consent.

http://www.facebook.com/empiretimesmag?fref=ts

So here we all are, settling into a new year and yes, there are lots of attractive people on campus we haven’t had sex with yet. Slow down, there is no rush. Take your time and make sure you don’t do anything that you might later regret, like Mike from the Drama Centre. Yeah right, as if any of the rest of us could get to shag anyone from there; they are way too incestuous for that to happen. It really does pay to take your time and get to know someone before you sleep with them. Okay, I understand that you may be worried that if they get to know you they won’t want to sleep with you. That is a risk you should be willing to take. If you don’t ask enough questions anything could happen, no really, I once slept with an engineering student. The most important question to ask someone before you have sex with them is, “Would you like to have sex with me?” If you just ask, “Would you like to have sex?” they may say “Yes” but be talking about Mike from the Drama Centre. It is really important to be clear about consent for many reasons. For instance, having respect for other people and trying to be a sensitive and understanding person. That, and not getting accused of rape. Not an easy reputation to shake off, no matter how innocent you may be.
Ambiguity is a bitch. So don’t fall prey to it. Make sure that when you have sex that you are clear about who wants to be involved and what they want to do and with who. If you aren’t sure, just don’t. Sometimes people can get confused the next day about what happened and by the reaction of their friends and they may upon reflection decide that they regret what happened and that they never really did give you consent. Never allow ambiguity to leave you with an unwarranted reputation for forcing yourself on anyone. Always make sure the person with whom you are having sex has clearly and soberly said yes, in fact get them to put it in writing and get a couple of witnesses, not to the act, to the consent! If you remove all chance of miscommunication and ambiguity you remove the chance one or both of you will get it wrong.
If the person you want to have sex with says no, stop, immediately. If you don’t it is rape, clear and simple.
There are times when someone can’t say yes, legally. One of these is if they are under age. The age of consent, here in South Australia is 17, so any sexual act between an adult and a person under the age of consent is considered abusive. In Queensland, the only state to differentiate, it is 18 for anal, 16 for everything else. So apparently you are psychologically able to make an informed decision about head jobs and coitus by 16 but you can’t decide for yourself if you want to take it up the arse until you are 18.
Another time your partner can’t legally say yes is when they are drunk, on drugs or asleep. So no matter how much they beg, legally it is still considered rape. And if you want to have sex with someone who is asleep or passed out I suggest you seek immediate help.
It is also important to manage expectations, if you want to say no, say no, if you lead someone on with no intention of having sex it is not only rude, it is dangerous. If you pour kerosene on a fire you may want to have a fire extinguisher handy. So here is the deal, if you want to say no to anything sexual you don’t need to be polite, you need to be clear, really clear. It is okay to change your mind or to not feel like it even though you may have had sex with someone before, even if it was earlier that day. No one has any right to force you to do something you are uncomfortable with.
So this week’s top tip for better sex, make sure it is truly consensual and as always, love yourself.

Yours,
Emma

Next week: Is it Okay to Lust After Dinosaurs?

Disclaimer. My You Tube sexpert “Ask Mistress M” started out as a bit of fun, a way to promote my comedy show, “Fuck, A Love Story” during the 2010 Melbourne Comedy Festival. After a fairly frivolous start I began to take Mistress M more seriously and did my research and answered the questions as best I could. That then led to a serious interest in sexuality and brought me back to university to study psychology. So here I am, your resident “sexpert” who has no qualifications other than my own healthy interest in sex in all its wonderful, wacky variety. What I write here is a mix of opinion, humour, my own experiences and the results of a Google search. If you have a serious problem, physical or mental you should see someone who has actually graduated. I can thoroughly recommend the campus counselors.
If you have a suggestion for a column feel free to post it on www.askmistressm.com

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Journal Article from Sexuality http://sex.sagepub.com/content/15/3-4/257.abstract

‘Difficult citizenship’: The precarious relationships between childhood, sexuality and access to knowledge
Kerry H Robinson University of Western Sydney, Australia
A fascinating article about the question of children’s right to knowledge about sexuality in terms of their citizenship and Sexual Citizenship. The idea being that by controlling the knowledge they have about sexuality we are controlling their rights as citizens and also the types of citizens they will become, namely heteronormative.
It discusses the marginalising of Gay and Lesbian by heteronormative, Christian middle class white attitudes in the name of protecting children’s innocence and how the sex education is mostly heteronormative and scientific and completely leaves Gay, Lesbian and Queer sexuality education to the family as a private matter, further marginalising those sexualities.
The point is raised that parents are scared of exposing children to too much sexual education in case they are condemned as bad parents. When children make mistakes and are misinformed about how sexuality works it, is seen as cute and also reassuring that they have been protected rather than wrong.

The article also raises the point that the commodification of the precious “sexual innocence” actually leaves children open to abuse as does their ignorance about sexuality and therefore what constitutes abuse. By educating about all sexualities they are made safer because able to have a critical and informed understanding and are less vulnerable to abuse. If a child knows too much seen as corrupted instead of informed and better able to make choices.

An interesting article that challenges and informs and makes me want to find out more about our squeamishness around children and sexuality and how we can do the best for them and reduce any damage and so have the outcome of adults who have a stable, happy sexual citizenship.

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Why we need Sex Ed now

This was sen to me by http://complianceandsafety.com/blog/

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Mistress M, The begining

Update: I was inspired by how much I enjoyed doing Mistress M and the fact that some of the questions were getting really tricky to come back to University and I am now studying a Bachelor of Psychology(Hons). Thank you for the inspiration, I am loving learning so much.

Mistress M started out as a bit of fun, a way to promote my comedy show, Fuck, A Love Story during the 2010 Melbourne Comedy Festival. She ended up taking on a life of her own and being more fun and having more fans than I ever did. The first few questions were written by my director but after our first post we had real questions coming in. I started to take Mistress M more seriously and did my research and answered the questions as best I could. I am learning so much from her. Some of it I am not sure I needed to know but a lot of it is great fun.

I love doing Mistress M so much that my plans to write and perform another show have been put on hold indefinitely as I want to concentrate on Ask Mistress M.

And Boo who is now a regular feature of the Mistress M videos knows that every Sunday when Angry Aussie arrives to film there will be “cheesy poofs” to be had.

I love that Boo has her own fans and that they seem to think she knows more than she does. Stop anthropomorphising her, she knows nothing, I asked her.

Mistress M’s mentors are Dan Savage, Violet Blue and Dr Petra Boynton.

askmistressm@gmail.com

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Overexposed and Under-Prepared: The Effects of Early Exposure to Sexual Content, Is the Internet impacting sexual development?

From Psychology Today;

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/real-healing/201208/overexposed-and-under-prepared-the-effects-early-exposure-sexual-content

Published on August 13, 2012 by Carolyn C. Ross, M.D., M.P.H. in Real Healing

“They grow up so fast,” parents often lament. Today, children are being sexualized earlier and earlier, in part because they are exposed to sexual material in movies, television, music and other media earlier than ever. With widespread access to the Internet, curious teens may accidentally or intentionally be exposed to millions of pages of material that is uncensored, sexually explicit, often inaccurate and potentially harmful.

So what? If kids don’t understand it, how can they be affected by it? Even if young children can’t understand sex or its role in relationships, the images they see can leave a lasting impression. It’s a basic premise of marketing that what we watch, read and direct our attention toward influences our behavior. And, as any marketer knows, sex sells. That’s why we see products and services that have nothing to do with sex being marketed in increasingly sexualized ways.

Children as young as 8 and 9 are coming across sexually explicit material on the Internet and in other media. Although research is just beginning to assess the potential damage, there is reason to believe that early exposure to sexual content may have the following undesirable effects:

Early Sex. Research has long established that teens who watch movies or listen to music that glamorizes drinking, drug use or violence tend to engage in those behaviors themselves. A 2012 study shows that movies influence teens’ sexual attitudes and behaviors as well. The study, published in Psychological Science, found that the more teens were exposed to sexual content in movies, the earlier they started having sex and the likelier they were to have casual, unprotected sex.

In another study, boys who were exposed to sexually explicit media were three times more likely to engage in oral sex and intercourse two years after exposure than non-exposed boys. Young girls exposed to sexual content in the media were twice as likely to engage in oral sex and one and a half times more likely to have intercourse. Research also shows that teens who listened to music with degrading sexual references were more likely to have sex than those who had less exposure.

Why are teens more likely to have sex after being exposed to sexual content in the media? Just as we read specific books and show educational movies to our children in hopes that they learn lessons from the characters, the media provides a type of sex education to young people. Media messages normalize early sexual experimentation and portray sex as casual, unprotected and consequence-free, encouraging sexual activity long before children are emotionally, socially or intellectually ready.

High-Risk Sex. The earlier a child is exposed to sexual content and begins having sex, the likelier they are to engage in high-risk sex. Research shows that children who have sex by age 13 are more likely to have multiple sexual partners, engage in frequent intercourse, have unprotected sex and use drugs or alcohol before sex. In a study by researcher Dr. Jennings Bryant, more than 66 percent of boys and 40 percent of girls reported wanting to try some of the sexual behaviors they saw in the media (and by high school, many had done so), which increases the risk of sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancies.

Sex, Love and Relationship Addictions. Not every child who is exposed to sexual content will struggle with a mental health disorder, but research shows that early exposure to pornography is a risk factor for sex addictions and other intimacy disorders. In one study of 932 sex addicts, 90 percent of men and 77 percent of women reported that pornography was a factor in their addiction. With the widespread availability of explicit material on the Internet, these problems are becoming more prevalent and are surfacing at younger ages.

Sexual Violence. According to some studies, early exposure (by age 14) to pornography and other explicit material may increase the risk of a child becoming a victim of sexual violence or acting out sexually against another child. For some people, habitual use of pornography may prompt a desire for more violent or deviant material, including depictions of rape, torture or humiliation. If people seek to act out what they see, they may be more likely to commit sexual assault, rape or child molestation.
Preserving Our Children’s Youth

Early exposure to sexual content in the media may have a profound impact on children’s values, attitudes and behaviors toward sex and relationships. Unfortunately, media portrayals do not always reflect the message parents want to send. Here are a few ways that you as a parent can ensure your message is heard:

• Know what your children are watching, playing and listening to and take advantage of teachable moments to discuss any inappropriate content or behaviors with them.

• Set and enforce limits around screen time.

• Make use of Internet filters and parental controls.

• Share your family’s values and expectations regarding sex and relationships.

• Talk to your child about media representations of sex, relationships and gender roles and teach them to question the accuracy and intent of the messages they receive.

• Model healthy, respectful relationships and self-worth.

For most families, banning media from the home isn’t a realistic option. After all, most 8- to 18-year-olds devote an average of seven and a half hours to media in a typical day, according to a 2009 study by the Kaiser Family Foundation, and more than half of that content contains sexual images or references. The goal isn’t to avoid the issue, but to approach it head-on so that your children learn about sex and relationships from their most trusted source: you.

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Important message from women everywere

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Lolcocks

Men send a lot of cock shots these days and I thought that rather than have them lying around on your phone doing nothing we could start a lolcocks page.
So feel free to start sending in your captioned cocks.
You may go to the lolcocks page only if you are over 18. If you are over 18 the password is MM.

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